Parallel Parenting: A Workable Alternative? Part II
Part one of our two-part series on parallel parenting introduces readers to the basic idea of parallel parenting, as well as the structure and reasons behind it. No two families are identical: and no two divorces or separations will look exactly the same. The parenting strategies that work well for one family may lead to catastrophe in another set of circumstances.
Many families find that the reduced parental interaction inherent in a parallel parenting structure brings high benefits of reduced stress, reduced anxiety, and reduced potential for conflict in front of their kids. Below, we will discuss some of the key benefits of parallel parenting, essential steps in implementing a parallel parenting plan, and how to overcome some common obstacles.
Key Benefits of Parallel Parenting
Many former couples find that there is a significant reduction in conflict between parents when they implement a parallel parenting approach. Strategically limiting interaction between the parents greatly diminishes the opportunity for disagreements or other conflict to arise. This, logically, leads to a more peaceful and stable environment for kids whose parents are going through a high-conflict divorce or separation.
Parallel parenting also offers growing children a clear structure and routine, which can be incredibly beneficial for children. The stability found in routine can be particularly beneficial for kids who find upheaval in other parts of their lives to be disconcerting.
Essential Steps in Setting Up a Parallel Parenting Plan
Creating a parallel parenting plan involves many crucial steps. Successfully implemented, you and your former partner can operate in a cooperative, yet independent, manner and help ease tension inherent in high-conflict divorce and/or separation.
- Create a Detailed Schedule
Be as clear as possible in order to avoid miscommunications, or the necessity to communicate more than necessary. For example, remember to account for schedule changes with holidays, vacations, and/or special occasions.
And even within those special occasions, remember to be as specific as possible in order to avoid misunderstandings or conflicts. For example, if parent “A” has the children on Christmas Eve – what does that mean, exactly? Do the kids come to parent “A” at four in the afternoon and stay until 7 am Christmas morning? Alternatively, does parent “A” get the children at 10 at night? Does parent B have the right to pick the kids up at 7 pm? Communicate the details to avoid misunderstandings and limit the potential for conflict. Make sure everyone is on the same page.
- Clearly Outline Decision-Making Responsibilities
Parents make a lot of decisions in their kids’ lives. Clearly defining who makes decisions on what issues will help to prevent disputes and can help parents fulfill their duties autonomously. - Clearly Plan for How to Communicate
Reduced parental interaction may be one of the mainstays of parallel parenting: but it is still imperative to have a way to communicate. Detailing out how to communicate when it is necessary will help to ensure that the parallel parenting plan is a success.
Common Challenges and Overcoming Them
One major potential for trouble in parallel parenting is ensuring a consistent set of rules and discipline for kids across both parents’ households. Establishing clear, mutually-agreed upon guidelines and consequences from the beginning as part of the agreed-upon parallel parenting plan can help to reduce the potential for such issues.
Another challenge includes scheduling conflicts. Parallel parenting is, of necessity, often a more rigid framework of parenting than, say, a more relaxed co-parenting situation. This can make scheduling out for special situations more challenging – but not unachievable. It is imperative to build a comprehensive and workable parallel parenting plan from the outset to optimize your experience and chances of success.
Contact Cardwell, Steigerwald Young
For help in crafting your own parenting plan or advice on your child custody matter, contact the experienced San Francisco child custody and visitation attorneys at Cardwell, Steigerwald Young.
Sources:
huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/this-is-what-parallel-parenting-is-according-to-divorce-mediators_uk_66ab72fee4b050952a6fc325
parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/expert-tips-to-co-parent-better-in-two-parent-households/
