Parallel Parenting: A Workable Alternative? Part I
Co-parenting. A word that’s become nearly synonymous with child custody. “Co-parenting” refers to the relationship dynamic between two divorced or separated parents who still communicate and cooperate as a “Co-parenting unit” in raising their kids together.
There are many parents, however, whose relationship is too volatile to peacefully co-parent. At least in the early stages after a break up. For the parents who find themselves in that situation: What now? Parallel parenting is a child-rearing approach that is specifically tailored for those currently experiencing high-conflict in their families. It offers a stark contrast, and an oft-needed alternative, to a traditional co-parenting structure by providing a more independent and more highly structured framework for parenting minor children after a break up.
When Parallel Parenting Might Be Advantageous
If frequent communication and collaboration between parents is difficult, or even detrimental due to hostile or volatile conditions, parallel parenting might provide some much-needed relief. In traditional co-parenting both parents must work closely together and engage in regular conversation and discussion to jointly make decisions pertaining to their children. Co-parenting involves shared responsibilities and unified strategies. This can be a great thing for kids, when parents can maintain a respectful and unified front.
However, the ideal of co-parenting is not always immediately attainable for those working through a divorce or separation. If one or both parents cannot see or work past other issues they may have going on in their relationship, it’s the kids who ultimately suffer in a co-parenting relationship.
When cooperation proves challenging, parallel parenting may be a viable alternative. Parallel parenting can be particularly advantageous when parents face significant disagreements or find effective communications to be nearly impossible to achieve. In this alternate approach, the emphasis is still on the kids, but parenting is accomplished via reduced direct interaction between parents. This decreases the potential for conflict and can help to preserve a stable, peaceful atmosphere for the kids.
How Does Parallel Parenting Work?
In parallel parenting each parent will independently manage their responsibilities and decisions during their parenting times. This requires that clear boundaries and structured schedules are established and then carried out. The structures are meticulously designed to achieve minimal potential disputes between former partners. This works to create a stable, peaceful, and predictable environment for kids.
Many parents find that parallel parenting allows parents to remain actively involved in their children’s lives while not needing to closely coordinate with a person they may be in conflict with. This approach can help children going through their parents divorce by helping to reduce stress and tension that can arise from frequent high-conflict interactions of the parents.
Contact Cardwell, Steigerwald Young
Parallel parenting can be a practical solution to high-conflict situations. This parenting strategy can help to enable parents to fulfill their roles and ensure their family continues to grow in the healthiest way. See part two of this series for further discussion on setting up a parallel parenting plan and how to overcome some of the common challenges found in parallel parenting. For help in your own case and to discuss the specifics of your own situation, contact the experienced divorce and San Francisco child custody and visitation attorneys at Cardwell, Steigerwald Young.
Sources:
parents.com/making-a-parallel-parenting-plan-after-divorce-8724653
theskimm.com/parenting/kate-hudson-on-handling-big-feelings-picky-eaters-and-co-parenting
