Pros and Cons of Living with an Estranged Spouse During a Divorce

The last few years have been tough for so many. Tumultuous economic times put an even greater level of strain on those families who are also experiencing the emotional impacts of a marriage or partnership ending. Usually and ideally, estranged partners would each have their own space to call home throughout the course of the divorce. However, for some that may feel impossible. For financial reasons, some couples do choose to cohabitate until the divorce is final. If this is a route you feel you want to take, you should keep a few things in mind.

Uncertainty

When a marriage or partnership is coming to a close – roles change. What had been is coming to an end and, if it is coming to an end, that means something was “off” somewhere to begin with. This makes it difficult for many people to cooperate and trust their estranged spouse in the separation process.

With that in mind, there is a lot to be said for attempting to make the division as clear and separate as possible. If you choose to cohabitate with your estranged spouse or estranged partner while in the midst of your divorce or separation – you should be mindful of what you need. You need a safe environment where you have access to what you need and allows you to focus on your family and the task ahead.

If your best path forward truly is to cohabitate with your estranged spouse or partner throughout the divorce process, here are a few things to consider as you move forward.

Finances

Living with your estranged spouse is a temporary solution. When couples divorce, physical relocation for one or both parties will be necessary. It is important to financially figure out your new situation. By the end of the divorce finances will be separated. Clarity and clear separation of finances could be a wise step – both partners understanding who is paying for what, and from what money source. A short-term financial agreement between the two of you could help to preserve a level of trust to enable cohabitation.

Respect

In an ideal world, whatever leads the marriage or partnership to fail does not need to end a cooperative relationship. Getting to the finish line of a divorce will be much smoother if both parties treat the other with common courtesy and respect. If you and your estranged partner share children, extensive cooperation in the form of co-parenting will exist for quite some time.

If you plan to live together, this need for respect grows exponentially. You will both need access to documents, space, time, and a general environment where you can do what you need to do to plan the next chapter of your life. If you are in a situation where one or both estranged partners are disrespectful toward one another, living together will likely lead to more problems.

Marital home

Remember that in a typical divorce, one party will be awarded the marital home while the other must find a new place to live. Sometimes, both former partners end up leaving the marital home. Working through those decisions while living together will require consideration and respect for the other party.

There is also an opportunity for some couples to implement some alternative child custody strategies – such as bird nesting – which involves the parents, rather than the children, alternating where they live. Proponents believe that, if parents can manage it, this approach allows children to experience greater levels of security.

Bottom Line – Contact Cardwell, Steigerwald, Young

If partners cannot cooperatively work through finance, trust, and parental issues, staying in the same home is likely to cause more problems than it solves. Experienced divorce, child custody, and family law attorneys at Cardwell, Steigerwald Young can help you navigate through the tough choices ahead, and offer strategic solutions in your divorce journey. If you have divorce or separation questions, the San Francisco family law attorneys at Cardwell, Steigerwald Young can help.

Sources:

goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a46444043/bird-nesting-divorce/

npr.org/2023/09/07/1198335037/the-benefits-of-birdnesting-after-divorce